Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.

Idiot (id-ee-it) n.- One who disagrees with you.

How do frogs die ? They Ker-mit suicide.

Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good myself.

I'm not as dumb as you look.


Stress is when you wake up and realises that you haven't slept yet.

Reality is an illusion that is born out of shortage of alcohol.

I want to live in Switserland where the mountains are higher than the taxes.

Join the army, meet interesting people and then ... kill them...

All of you who believe in psychokinetics, raise 'my' hand ...

Lots of people stop working once they found a job!

I am still single, my parents-in-law were not able to have children.

Being nuts or crazy is inheritable, you get it from your children.

The fact that there are 'intelligent' extraterrestrian creatures is proven by the fact that they did not contact us yet.

I said no to drugs, but they did nog listen!

10.000 new jobs ... all tax inspectors?!

Mistakes have been made, others will be punished.

As long as they pretend to pay me, I pretend I am working.

I started out with nothing... and I still have most of it!

3 monkeys escaped from the zoo ... one was caught watching tv ... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

My mother-in-law walks 5 miles every day... I wonder where she'd be by now.

Like a rose withers, so is our relationship withering ...

Keep the school clean ... stay home!

Be quiet in the classroom, respect the fact that others sleep!

We do have to go to school ... Have to is force ... Forcing is slavery .... Slavery is forbidden ... SO ... we do not have to go to school!

The word HELLO means: H=How are you? E=Evrything alright? L=Like 2 hear from you! L=Love 2 see you soon O=Obviously I miss you..SO, HELLO

No boys no love, no love no sex, no sex no people, no people no school, no school no problems

That is how a triatlon has been invented : go swimming on foot and coming home by bike.

The IDEAL man does not smoke, does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed early, in short ... does not exist

It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give.

It's the soul afraid of dying ... That never learns to live

It's the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the change.

It's the heart afraid of Breaking ... that never learns to dance.

Secrets, they only last long enough to break you down

Life is beautiful if you are willing to see it

A bra is a thing that keeps up what would hang down otherwise ...

When my father broke in to my mother I had to sit there for months!

Boys say it's great, boys say it's fine. 9 months later they say it's not mine !

Teachers help you with problems that you would not have if they were not there.

I am in seventh heaven, the other six do not want me.

Women are like hurricanes! When they come they are wet and heavy. When they leave they take your home and your car ! !

No one ever died because of hard labour, but I think :"why would I take the risk?"

I love working. I can look at it for hours.

We used to listen to the Doors, now we have Windows.

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn't have if you didn't have a computer.

Life would be a lot easier if I had the source-code.

Life is like a nose, you have to take out what is in it !

You need 60 muscles to be angry and 20 to smile why would you make things difficult?

My thoughts wondering off, I am always everywhere.

I intended to become rich while sleeping, but I could not fall asleep yet.

It is better to have one bullet in the hand than ten in the back.

Nok nok. Who's there? ..... Marie ...... Marie who? ...... Marie who wanna...!!

Wanna get stoned? Drink wet cement!

Umm...your .... ZIP is open...

If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought.

What do I miss about my wife? Her absence.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.

Linus is like a wigwam,no windows,no gates and an apache inside...

Q: Why is a racist like a drunk?
A: Cos whatever they say ends in a slur.

Q: What's the difference between a racist's house and a porcupine?
A: With the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.

Q: Why didn't the racist cross the road?
A: He was afraid of the other side.

Q: How does a racist pick his nose?
A: From the mail-order catalogue.

If a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one night and stuffs you into a bag, Then do not worry 'cause I told Santa I wanted you for christmas!

Smilin is infexous u catch it lik d flu.wen sum1 smild at me 2day i startd smilin im infectd iv sent it thru dis now ur smiling who wil it go2 next?

Dear friend! Do you take me 2 b your lawful text mate.2 have & 2 hold.4 dirty quotes or saucy text messaging & in poor signal.til low battery do us part?

girls are like phones. we like to be held and talked too- but if u press the wrong button u'll be disconnected!

A good friend is like a good bra... hard 2 find- comfortable- supportive- prevents u from falling- holds u tight- and is always close 2 ur heart!

why do i text u? its my choice its my way of sayin dat i remembr u. why do i remembr u? il neva know its not my choice its my hearts.

Last nite I lay in bed looking at the stars- the beautiful sky and the endless horizon....& suddenly I thought...where on earth is my roof?

If U delete this message thats bcoz u love me. If u save it thats bcoz u desire me & if u ignore it thats bcoz u miss me. So what u gonna do with IT?

Theres an urgent meeting in the jungle! Everyones there.. lions, tigers, cheetas and ape, but the meetin cant start because the monkey is reading this text

God made butter god made cheese god made you for me to squeeze god made whiskey god made pepsi and when he made you he made you SEXY!


Merry Christmas, Enjoy New Year, Happy Easter, Good luck on Valentines, Spooky Halloween & Happy Birthday Now bug off and don't annoy me for the next 12 months!!!!

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